Insomniac

So, I'm sitting here.  In the dark.  Listening to a house full of snores, wondering why I'm still awake.  It's very unusual for me to be awake.  As much as I like the night and the dark, I also really like to sleep.  I have wonderful dreams.  But it seems I won't be dreaming this night.

This whole day has been off for me.  I knew something was up when I felt a desire to clean.  That just can't be normal.  And then later I just had to make something.  It  was with the same need of a starving man reaching for food when I reached for my paints.  And as I started brushing paint across my canvas, I wondered.  Wondered if something might be wrong with me.  Because, you see, I never just start something.  I'm not the kind of person who can sit and paint a picture straight out of my head.  I have to plan.  To find models, ideas, and stock images.  Place them just so.  Draw it out.  Trace it.  Question it.  Rinse and repeat.  

But not tonight.  Tonight I went on impulse.  And I'm actually happy with the resulting work so far.  Unusual.  This energy.  I don't know where it's come from.  It's like I'm wired to a car battery.  Been possessed by the Energizer bunny.  Who knows.  

But whatever it is, I am here now.  Tapping on the keys slowly, so as not to wake anyone.  Wondering exactly what I'm doing here.  I don't really have anything important to say.  Usually I come to this place when I have a message; something to get off my chest.  Tonight... I'm just rambling.  Like a train without tracks.  I suppose it's fitting.  I am the Queen of Derailment.  Ah, well.  Can't fight with the crown.  Sometimes you just have to wear it.

Aphrodite's Dream

I used to think that there wasn't anything in this world that was perfect.  Not one single thing.  But I was wrong.  There is one thing, and one thing only, that is perfect.  That is love. 

Love is never failing, never ending.  And anyone who says otherwise hasn't experienced it.  The relationships that accompany love, and the emotions that love influences, aren't perfect.  The people who love aren't perfect.  They make mistakes.  Do things wrong.  But love is an entity beyond humanity.  Love is something that is more than what it can be defined as.  Love is the only thing that makes this world worth living in.  Everything else in the world that is good or beautiful is colored by love.  Without love, those things would not exist.

And you can argue all you want.  Say whatever things you want.  But it's true.  Love is the only perfect thing we have.  It can't be stopped by any means.  It can't be broken, or forgotten.  It can't be accidentally thrown out.  And it can't be avoided.

No matter who you are, or where you are, or what you do, you can't avoid love.  You can't live without it.  Even if you only love yourself, you have to love something.  Even the meanest, most shrewd person in the world needs love.  It's as essential to our existence as air or food.  

So of all the things in the world that I cherish, I cherish love the most.  For its limitlessness.  For its irrationality.  For its perfection.